"I see no flaw in you." Religion vs. Relationship

The world can feel heavy these days. When life feels uncertain and overwhelming, it’s natural to want to create order, to find something—anything—that makes us feel clean, whole, and safe. There’s a strong pull inside of us to dress up our “inside world” by perfecting the “outer world.” We think if our homes are spotless, our schedules flawless, our appearances polished, then somehow our messy, messy hearts will follow suit.

Women and moms know this well. We pour out love through endless acts of care: preparing meals, managing schedules, creating spaces where our families can thrive. We hope that controlling the outside will somehow fix the inside—that making everything look right will quiet the doubts, the fears, the whispers of failure. We try to scrub away our doubts, fears, and failures by checking off tasks, mastering routines, or achieving the ideal image.

The Bible shows us this pattern isn’t new. God’s people, the Israelites, lived under a law meant to guide them into freedom, peace, and life. They were instructed to keep themselves ceremonially clean, to follow countless rules about what to eat, how to wash, when to rest. These rules were designed to remind them daily of God’s holiness and their need for purity.

Over time, many got trapped by legalism—focusing so much on the letter of the law that they missed its heart. They measured righteousness by strict rule-keeping, often judging themselves and others harshly, carrying the heavy burden of perfection. They confused being “clean” with being truly “cleansed.”

The prophet Jeremiah looked forward to a new kind of relationship with God—one not based on rules written on tablets of stone, but on a law written on hearts and minds (Jeremiah 31:33). God promised to dwell within His people, transforming them from the inside out.

Jesus came to fulfill that promise. He confronted the legalism of His day, calling out religious leaders for focusing on appearances and rigid rules while neglecting justice, mercy, and faithfulness (Matthew 23). He didn’t come to abolish the law but to bring it to its full meaning—to reveal a God whose love invites freedom, not fear; grace, not judgment.

This love is powerful. It doesn’t leave us clinging to perfection or afraid of failure. The apostle John reminds us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” (1 John 4:18). God’s perfect love covers our mistakes, meets us in our weaknesses, and calls us into rest and renewal, relationship not religion.

I’ve had my own moments of trying to fix all the things. There was a season when I literally stood in front of my open fridge, shoving fistfuls of raw kale into my mouth like it was some kind of magic fix. I told myself I was just being healthy, but deep down, I hoped that eating “clean” on the outside would somehow cleanse my heart and rewrite the stories of my past failures. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

What I’ve learned is that no matter how much we try to perfect the outside—the schedules, the appearances, the routines—life still surprises us. We can’t control every outcome. Instead, we can choose to show up with love, do our best, and let go of the rest.

The truth that sustains me is this: God’s love, revealed in Jesus, is more than enough. It is a love that transforms us from the inside out, cleanses our hearts, and drives out fear. It meets us where we are and carries us through every uncertain step of the journey.

So whatever season of life you find yourself in today—whether full of joy, struggle, hope, or doubt—take a deep breath. Give yourself grace. Recognize the beauty in your care and effort, even when it feels like it’s not enough. And remember: you are held by a love so perfect and vast that no darkness can overcome it.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” — 1 John 4:18

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” — John 1:5